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Essen Spieltage Anxiety


As I write this, the sun is rising outside, and the sky is that certain shade of blue that I love, although it would likely be more enjoyable to me if I were awake under different circumstances.

I woke up from one of my anxiety dreams.

Essen is a little over a month away! #essenspieltage2016

I shouldn’t be anxious, I know there’s a lot going on in my life at the moment. Moving out of my studio, and back to working at home, which I prefer since then the apartment is much cleaner, the laundry is done, and I get to bake as much as I want! Applying for a new apartment / shop or “ladenwohnung” and potentially (fingers crossed) moving (again, I know, crazy, right?!) since, honestly, our apartment is really too small for me to be working at home, and more importantly, if we have a shop / apartment, I can still have a shop, keep the apartment clean and bake to my heart’s content – it’s like the best of both worlds…and, as a friend pointed out, really, I just want to live in Kensington Market.  #kensingtonmarket Yeah, moving, thinking about moving, looking for a place to move, all of these are stressers, but add to that my back. Oh my back, I wish I could have a new one! About 10 days ago, I had an episode with my back. I’d been coasting along with my “normal” amount of pain, when it suddenly got oh so very much worse, and I couldn’t do anything, I missed a few days of work, and now Sebastian is driving me to and from Mauerpark #mauerparkflohmarkt and I’m taking some time off the Saturday market. Thankfully, I’m also now seeing an orthopedic, I had an MRI to find out what exactly is going on with my back, I’ve discovered the joys of sewing standing up, and my back is thankful for all te attention.

Right, that’s a lot to be anxious about, and then there’s Essen. Yeah, it’s a big deal, it’s something I’ve wanted to do since the very first time I went to Essen, but since I was overcome with indecisiveness and came up with the idea of printing AT the messe, I don’t really have that much work to do. Yes, there’s a lot of sewing I’d like to do, but again, since this is my first time getting a stand at Essen, and I have no idea what people will be interested in, I’ve decided to create a bunch of samples, and hopefully people will place orders. Worst case scenario, I end up with so many orders that I’ll have to become a work horse once Essen is over, but this feels more reasonable than breaking my back making stock and then not selling anything. Yes, I’d like to create some more game oriented designs to print at Essen, but I’ve still got time, and I’d need new screens anyway. Yes, I’ll need to order things to print on, but, again, nothing to panic about.

Okay, I admit it. I woke up with my head racing at 5:30 am. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I made myself coffee, and then I made a “to-do list” of things that need to be done to prepare for Essen, and it’s not a huge amount, it’s completely manageable, and even if I don’t get everything ready, IT’S MY FIRST TIME – and I’m confident that no matter what, it will at least pay for itself. It will be fine. There’s no reason for any anxiety dreams. Probably I should stop messing about playing games, and just do the things on my list.



Celebrate your inner geek, you’re AWESOME!

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